I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
