I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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