you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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