my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
