Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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