I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
