I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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