Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
