cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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