Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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