Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(720): View more from Colorado

I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.

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(212): View more from New York

that's an acceptable place to lick

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(732): View more from New Jersey

soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.

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(657): View more from California

You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl

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(805): View more from California

We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.

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(631): View more from New York

only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..

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(309): View more from Illinois

Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?

(1-309): View more from Illinois

I decided to mark my territory.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.

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(404): View more from Georgia

If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.

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