just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
