wanna go halves on a baby?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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