Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
