I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize