I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize