Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
