mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize