Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
