Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Your cock deserves a montage
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
