It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
