I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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