How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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