Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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