Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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