They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
