you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
