Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize