is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
