the condom got lost in my hair
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
