I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sorry about my life...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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