I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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