yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize