I faked an abortion last night.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
