We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
