So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
