Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
