Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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