Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
