Non-Jews are for practice
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
