i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
