I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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