btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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