Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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