Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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