Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
