so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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