walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
