I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
