i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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