did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
