i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
