Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
