we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
