His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize