Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
