I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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