My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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