life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
