i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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