He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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