I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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