Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
