Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
