The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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