He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
