This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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