no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
