I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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