lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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