we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My boob is missing a layer of skin
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
