I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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