Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
