I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
