I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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