This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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