he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
