last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
