names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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