3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
