Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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