he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize