Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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