and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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