i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
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