i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I understand Curling. That high.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
