My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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