Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize