Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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