just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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