Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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