THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
