Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
