Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
