Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
