fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
